new beginning

i start class tomorrow! very excited/nervous. Thrilled that orientation is finally over... I'm so dreadful at meeting people. Too shy and awkward. Had a lovely time at the happy hour, the five drinks probably helped!

Had a really nice chat w/ Pam today - haven't talked to her in probably two years. Hopefully we'll talk more often.

Went to the Pirates games last night w/ my parents, got rained out b/c I'm cursed (same thing happened at Steelers game last week).

let's see.. .banjo night w/ meredith, sonja, sharon!, and elian.. super fun. also polish hill pool and 'valentine's day w/ jen and maeve'. really good times :)

pathetic journal entries are better than nothing.

Furiousity

I'm really mad at my roommate right now. This morning she invited me out for drinks tonight, after she and a friend had dinner. I had plans to go out to my parents, but jumped at the rare invitation as I currently have no social life, so called my mom and cancelled - she totally understood.

I went to the Polish Hill pool, thinking I might meet up with Jennifer and her family, and ran into Meredith on my way there. She suggested seeing a movie that night, and I agreed, thinking I would have time to see the movie and do drinks. J and her fam arrived at the same time I did and we hung out for a while, then they invited me to dinner. M had suggested seeing Inception at 8. I could have done dinner and the movie, but the movie was so long I would have been very late for the drinks, and I hadn't gotten the impression that Joc would be out late. So I took a rain check on the movie, went to dinner, biked back, showered and then texted Joc at 9:30 to confirm. She said they'd be another half hour, which was perfect. Then a half hour later she texts "I think I might just wanna go home. They want to eat dessert. Boring"

I am just so mad. I turned down the movie because of our plans and she blows them off at LITERALLY the last second. It's even worse because I have no one else to go out with - if the situation were reversed and she wanted to go out, there's lots of people she could call. Her decision to go home effectively means I can't go out. It's just rude and insensitive and selfish.

She has totally sucked as a friend since I moved in. I would be nicer to a random stranger than she has been to me. She is constantly going out and not inviting me. Even this situation, she invited me for drinks, not for the dinner, even though I obviously won't have dinner plans. I'm not a crazy needy person, but I am really alone right night and it's difficult. I've gone from a situation where I was living with my partner and always had someone to do things with to one where I'm alone all the time and it's difficult to meet new people. I thought Joc would be understanding and this morning I kind of thought she was, but this sort of behavior makes me not want to hang out with her ever.

She made a comment about how I need to stop spending so much time out in Wexford. Well, I tried... but her crappy actions make my hanging out with my parents a lot more attractive.

I really hope she moves to a city where she knows no one and gets treated the way she's treating me.

Paul McCartney and Air Conditioning

Today was quite a day... I slept over at my parents', in the guest bedroom - I'm bed-hopping quite a bit, trying to find the one that smells the least like cat pee. Success! After a good night's sleep, I spent the morning with my mom and aunt as they prepared for their trip to Erie.

I was tasked with trying to buy Paul McCartney tickets (for my parents) during a second sale at 10am, but managed to screw it up buy trying to see if I could get better seats the second time around. Whereupon they sold out. I felt horrible! I started looking on Craigslist and managed to find tickets for the same price as on Ticketmaster (amazing!). I had to drive to the city to get money from my dad and then to Moon to pick up the tickets, but it was worth it to relieve my guilt. And they are better seats than what I lost online! Plus I got to meet the guy at the Ground Round :) Kids used to be able to pay what they weighed there.. it was fun times.

I cleaned out a corner of my parents' room. It was horrific and now looks amazing but I knew my dad would freak so I told him as I was in the midst of getting him tickets so he couldn't be too mad. But they should really appreciate me and my organizational skills more damnit.

Also - my car a/c was fixed today! $700 freaking dollars but it's practically priceless. Just regret that I didn't get it done by the Polish guy in NYC... I think the life lesson I'm taking from that one is talk to your neighbors, even if they don't seem friendly! Costly lesson.

So then I drove back to the North Side a way I had never gone before - through Avalon, which sounds like Avonlea a bit and looked like it had loads of neat old houses... came home and then Meredith came over and we had wine and caught up - it was very nice. After she left I cooked tofu for the first time - tofu curry w/ peas. Delish! Plus cherries for dessert, so am feeling healthy for the first time in days.

My back is still hurting but I really want to practice golf and go swimming. Maybe tomorrow - hopefully this bed isn't causing me problems. Might need to get another egg crate or a pillow top. Woohoo crazy times :)

My New City

In the past four days i have gone swimming three times and played golf once... i love the relaxed yet active lifestyle and i love how easy it is to do things!

Went to an arts fest and the Polish Hill pool w Jocelyn yesterday... met a nice fam that I'm hoping to go to Sandcastle with. Just got an iffy email from the mom so we'll see... I'm a little desperate for friends, I guess!

of great help - being erica

being erica has been a lifesaver this week. such a good show! it's canadian and is now showing on soapnet in the us (and hulu, which is where i saw it:). i was staying late at work watching but after download opera have been able to watch video from home, thank god.

basically erica gets to time travel into her own life in an attempt to change moments that she regrets. it's fun without being cheesy and is described as being "My Name is Earl meets Pretty in Pink meets Back to the Future meets Sex and the City". surely you must like one of those!

i love that the main character is jewish. she's veers between normal-looking and incredibly gorgeous and reminds me a lot of jennifer aniston. her wardrobe is a little too perfect, but it's a tv show!



i watched a few interviews with her today. poor thing, she must get so sick of the question 'what regret would you change in your own life?'

lots of degrassi guest stars, which is fun. canadian tv rules! she's apparently on life unexpected on the cw, so maybe i'll check out an episode... if i can get over my shiri appleby hatred for an hour. we'll see.

i love the building her office is set in - beaux arts maybe? surrounded by glass towers and the interior is open, airy & modern. can't seem to find out anything about it online.

it's set in toronto, although not very accurately according to torontoist:

her apt building, which reminds me of houses in jamaica plain:
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together and broken again

we got back together for two weeks but broke up again. didn't talk for three days, but taled yesterday and are now back to 'normal'. i'm getting mixed messages from her that fuck with my head but i'd rather have that than silence. this will probably just be dreadful till i move out.

in brighter news - i got into rutgers! so there's hope for my future. i have to write my hunter essay this weekend... it's so hard to get back to writing an essay - hope i can handle school again :)

3 more weeks at work, unbelievable. i'm going through files at work but not getting nearly enough done. maybe if i had been treated better i'd care more, but they'll just have to deal!

oh dear

"...the things that you can't get back because you took them for granted."





Intervention is hitting too close to home.

But I guess everything does at times like these.

the worst valentine's day

heather broke up with me yesterday. well, she said she no longer was in love with me, and we should stay together till it was time for me to move out. i feel weird with that, but given the situation i'm in right now (waiting on graduate schools and finishing up my job), i can't move out. i don't want to spend the rest of my time here warring or ignoring each other, and it would be great it our relationship could be salvaged into a friendship, but it's very hard to think about and right now i'm really upset. so... i've made plans that will keep me out of the house for the whole day, and i just have to shower and get out of here.

this obviously affect my decision to stay until may at work - i don't think i can do it. right now, i'll hopefully find out in april, and move out in april, either home or somewhere else. i'm definitely going to travel for a month. i need that much more than a few thousand dollars and a month of living with heather.

i do feel like she threw away a 4.5 year relationship, and that hurts. the fact she no longer loves me hurts too. but what she did took a lot of guts and i respect that. she shouldn't lie about how she feels, i just wish she felt differently. oh well, maybe this will make her happier. but right now i feel hollow and sad.