oh dear

"...the things that you can't get back because you took them for granted."





Intervention is hitting too close to home.

But I guess everything does at times like these.

the worst valentine's day

heather broke up with me yesterday. well, she said she no longer was in love with me, and we should stay together till it was time for me to move out. i feel weird with that, but given the situation i'm in right now (waiting on graduate schools and finishing up my job), i can't move out. i don't want to spend the rest of my time here warring or ignoring each other, and it would be great it our relationship could be salvaged into a friendship, but it's very hard to think about and right now i'm really upset. so... i've made plans that will keep me out of the house for the whole day, and i just have to shower and get out of here.

this obviously affect my decision to stay until may at work - i don't think i can do it. right now, i'll hopefully find out in april, and move out in april, either home or somewhere else. i'm definitely going to travel for a month. i need that much more than a few thousand dollars and a month of living with heather.

i do feel like she threw away a 4.5 year relationship, and that hurts. the fact she no longer loves me hurts too. but what she did took a lot of guts and i respect that. she shouldn't lie about how she feels, i just wish she felt differently. oh well, maybe this will make her happier. but right now i feel hollow and sad.