disappointment

I feel extremely frustrated with life right now - it just feels like my role in life is nagging, and being constantly disappointed in people.

at work people don't keep the office clean and no one makes an effort to build community. at softball no one wants to come to practice. there's just a lack of effort everywhere.

but maybe what i hate about others is what i have about myself. i make no effort to keep my office or home clean. i make little effort to see/keep in touch with my friends. i make little effort to figure out my life or try to change it.

What is effort/motivation and where is it? How can I get it?

I'm thinking a cocaine habit.

Kidding, but I look at people who do so much and want to do more (like my sister) and I'm so jealous. I don't want to do anything!