a banner year

new beginning

2010-08-22T23:33:00.002-04:00

i start class tomorrow! very excited/nervous. Thrilled that orientation is finally over... I'm so dreadful at meeting people. Too shy and awkward. Had a lovely time at the happy hour, the five drinks probably helped!

Had a really nice chat w/ Pam today - haven't talked to her in probably two years. Hopefully we'll talk more often.

Went to the Pirates games last night w/ my parents, got rained out b/c I'm cursed (same thing happened at Steelers game last week).

let's see.. .banjo night w/ meredith, sonja, sharon!, and elian.. super fun. also polish hill pool and 'valentine's day w/ jen and maeve'. really good times :)

pathetic journal entries are better than nothing.

Furiousity

2010-07-30T22:53:00.004-04:00

I'm really mad at my roommate right now. This morning she invited me out for drinks tonight, after she and a friend had dinner. I had plans to go out to my parents, but jumped at the rare invitation as I currently have no social life, so called my mom and cancelled - she totally understood.

I went to the Polish Hill pool, thinking I might meet up with Jennifer and her family, and ran into Meredith on my way there. She suggested seeing a movie that night, and I agreed, thinking I would have time to see the movie and do drinks. J and her fam arrived at the same time I did and we hung out for a while, then they invited me to dinner. M had suggested seeing Inception at 8. I could have done dinner and the movie, but the movie was so long I would have been very late for the drinks, and I hadn't gotten the impression that Joc would be out late. So I took a rain check on the movie, went to dinner, biked back, showered and then texted Joc at 9:30 to confirm. She said they'd be another half hour, which was perfect. Then a half hour later she texts "I think I might just wanna go home. They want to eat dessert. Boring"

I am just so mad. I turned down the movie because of our plans and she blows them off at LITERALLY the last second. It's even worse because I have no one else to go out with - if the situation were reversed and she wanted to go out, there's lots of people she could call. Her decision to go home effectively means I can't go out. It's just rude and insensitive and selfish.

She has totally sucked as a friend since I moved in. I would be nicer to a random stranger than she has been to me. She is constantly going out and not inviting me. Even this situation, she invited me for drinks, not for the dinner, even though I obviously won't have dinner plans. I'm not a crazy needy person, but I am really alone right night and it's difficult. I've gone from a situation where I was living with my partner and always had someone to do things with to one where I'm alone all the time and it's difficult to meet new people. I thought Joc would be understanding and this morning I kind of thought she was, but this sort of behavior makes me not want to hang out with her ever.

She made a comment about how I need to stop spending so much time out in Wexford. Well, I tried... but her crappy actions make my hanging out with my parents a lot more attractive.

I really hope she moves to a city where she knows no one and gets treated the way she's treating me.

Paul McCartney and Air Conditioning

2010-07-28T23:26:00.004-04:00

Today was quite a day... I slept over at my parents', in the guest bedroom - I'm bed-hopping quite a bit, trying to find the one that smells the least like cat pee. Success! After a good night's sleep, I spent the morning with my mom and aunt as they prepared for their trip to Erie.

I was tasked with trying to buy Paul McCartney tickets (for my parents) during a second sale at 10am, but managed to screw it up buy trying to see if I could get better seats the second time around. Whereupon they sold out. I felt horrible! I started looking on Craigslist and managed to find tickets for the same price as on Ticketmaster (amazing!). I had to drive to the city to get money from my dad and then to Moon to pick up the tickets, but it was worth it to relieve my guilt. And they are better seats than what I lost online! Plus I got to meet the guy at the Ground Round :) Kids used to be able to pay what they weighed there.. it was fun times.

I cleaned out a corner of my parents' room. It was horrific and now looks amazing but I knew my dad would freak so I told him as I was in the midst of getting him tickets so he couldn't be too mad. But they should really appreciate me and my organizational skills more damnit.

Also - my car a/c was fixed today! $700 freaking dollars but it's practically priceless. Just regret that I didn't get it done by the Polish guy in NYC... I think the life lesson I'm taking from that one is talk to your neighbors, even if they don't seem friendly! Costly lesson.

So then I drove back to the North Side a way I had never gone before - through Avalon, which sounds like Avonlea a bit and looked like it had loads of neat old houses... came home and then Meredith came over and we had wine and caught up - it was very nice. After she left I cooked tofu for the first time - tofu curry w/ peas. Delish! Plus cherries for dessert, so am feeling healthy for the first time in days.

My back is still hurting but I really want to practice golf and go swimming. Maybe tomorrow - hopefully this bed isn't causing me problems. Might need to get another egg crate or a pillow top. Woohoo crazy times :)

My New City

2010-07-19T22:39:00.001-04:00

In the past four days i have gone swimming three times and played golf once... i love the relaxed yet active lifestyle and i love how easy it is to do things!

Went to an arts fest and the Polish Hill pool w Jocelyn yesterday... met a nice fam that I'm hoping to go to Sandcastle with. Just got an iffy email from the mom so we'll see... I'm a little desperate for friends, I guess!

of great help - being erica

2010-03-05T18:19:00.003-05:00

being erica has been a lifesaver this week. such a good show! it's canadian and is now showing on soapnet in the us (and hulu, which is where i saw it:). i was staying late at work watching but after download opera have been able to watch video from home, thank god.

basically erica gets to time travel into her own life in an attempt to change moments that she regrets. it's fun without being cheesy and is described as being "My Name is Earl meets Pretty in Pink meets Back to the Future meets Sex and the City". surely you must like one of those!

i love that the main character is jewish. she's veers between normal-looking and incredibly gorgeous and reminds me a lot of jennifer aniston. her wardrobe is a little too perfect, but it's a tv show!

i watched a few interviews with her today. poor thing, she must get so sick of the question 'what regret would you change in your own life?'

lots of degrassi guest stars, which is fun. canadian tv rules! she's apparently on life unexpected on the cw, so maybe i'll check out an episode... if i can get over my shiri appleby hatred for an hour. we'll see.

i love the building her office is set in - beaux arts maybe? surrounded by glass towers and the interior is open, airy & modern. can't seem to find out anything about it online.

it's set in toronto, although not very accurately according to torontoist:

her apt building, which reminds me of houses in jamaica plain:
View Larger Map

together and broken again

2010-03-05T18:13:00.002-05:00

we got back together for two weeks but broke up again. didn't talk for three days, but taled yesterday and are now back to 'normal'. i'm getting mixed messages from her that fuck with my head but i'd rather have that than silence. this will probably just be dreadful till i move out.

in brighter news - i got into rutgers! so there's hope for my future. i have to write my hunter essay this weekend... it's so hard to get back to writing an essay - hope i can handle school again :)

3 more weeks at work, unbelievable. i'm going through files at work but not getting nearly enough done. maybe if i had been treated better i'd care more, but they'll just have to deal!

oh dear

2010-02-15T18:27:00.001-05:00

"...the things that you can't get back because you took them for granted."

Intervention is hitting too close to home.

But I guess everything does at times like these.

the worst valentine's day

2010-02-14T10:02:00.002-05:00

heather broke up with me yesterday. well, she said she no longer was in love with me, and we should stay together till it was time for me to move out. i feel weird with that, but given the situation i'm in right now (waiting on graduate schools and finishing up my job), i can't move out. i don't want to spend the rest of my time here warring or ignoring each other, and it would be great it our relationship could be salvaged into a friendship, but it's very hard to think about and right now i'm really upset. so... i've made plans that will keep me out of the house for the whole day, and i just have to shower and get out of here.

this obviously affect my decision to stay until may at work - i don't think i can do it. right now, i'll hopefully find out in april, and move out in april, either home or somewhere else. i'm definitely going to travel for a month. i need that much more than a few thousand dollars and a month of living with heather.

i do feel like she threw away a 4.5 year relationship, and that hurts. the fact she no longer loves me hurts too. but what she did took a lot of guts and i respect that. she shouldn't lie about how she feels, i just wish she felt differently. oh well, maybe this will make her happier. but right now i feel hollow and sad.

Gawker Comments are Sometimes Great

2010-01-27T01:08:00.002-05:00

The point should be that adults should be able to have sex with, and enter into the legal contract of marriage with, whomever they choose, and for whatever reason they choose. Not because they "can't help it," but because they are adults and they are free to make their own choices.

http://gawker.com/comment/18745027/

-------

Exactly.

out of practice

2009-10-31T16:19:00.003-04:00

i can't believe i used to write an 8-10 page paper every week. oxford feels very long ago.

life changes

2009-07-15T21:54:00.002-04:00

right now it feels like life is about to change, but i'm scared for it. my relationship is in a delicate space right now. heather and drinking and antisocial behavior and depression and all this bad stuff that has negatively impacted my life. i hate it. i hate my job, am ready to leave, but the economy terrifies me. i'm finally ready to go back to school, but for what? my therapist left and i quit therapy. i haven't lost any weight in months.

All I Ever Wanted

2008-09-29T23:31:00.005-04:00

I had a great and productive weekend. And I only left the apartment once, for brunch at Brooklyn Label on Saturday. I got their lox bagel, my regular. I get an everything bagel with cream cheese, lox, onions, capers, salmon and shaved egg. no tomatoes. It's so freaking yummy. We got there at 11:30 and got a table immediately. If you go later you are stuck with the hipster hordes. Talked about our relationship and desire to change our lives. We always talk about it but right now I actually feel like I'm doing it. Of course, it's only been three days!

I spent the rest of Saturday watching tv w/ Heather and going through old magazines, cutting out what I wanted to keep. I have about 500 hours left. I did manage to do laundry and cook scallops, risotto and spinach. Ruined the scallops (not really) with too much lemon.

Sunday was the best. I went through some more magazines and added a ton of cds to itunes. I cleaned out my closet and organized my dresser. I mended a sweatshirt. I hard boiled eggs and made hummus. I rock.

disappointment

2008-08-20T13:10:00.002-04:00

I feel extremely frustrated with life right now - it just feels like my role in life is nagging, and being constantly disappointed in people.

at work people don't keep the office clean and no one makes an effort to build community. at softball no one wants to come to practice. there's just a lack of effort everywhere.

but maybe what i hate about others is what i have about myself. i make no effort to keep my office or home clean. i make little effort to see/keep in touch with my friends. i make little effort to figure out my life or try to change it.

What is effort/motivation and where is it? How can I get it?

I'm thinking a cocaine habit.

Kidding, but I look at people who do so much and want to do more (like my sister) and I'm so jealous. I don't want to do anything!

Surreal Love

2005-09-13T14:29:00.000-04:00

eh, it's hard to keep up with a blog when you're in love n stuff. oh well.

some more action

2005-07-06T15:10:00.000-04:00

i've been hunting the web for some down and dirty (or at least enlightening) blogs written by dykes/bis/lesbians, but haven't really come up with much. most are just normal blogs (a favorite is cityrag)... i guess i want to read about exactly what i'm going through, and it's remaining pretty elusive.

i moved to new york just over a year ago and it has been quite the banner year. it's fascinating sometimes, because i had no inkling i would feel this way - my latent bisexuality is not something i've kept hidden away till now, i really didn't feel it. does that mean it doesn't really exist? i'm not sure, but deep down i occasionally think so. lots of self-doubt. i'm not doing this to be trendy (honest! it's so two year ago anyway), but hopefully i'm into girls because i really am into girls, not because i'm bored with guys or just want more options or whatever.

i do enjoy the making out. last night i ended up at a bar with our ss and pitcher and one of their friends... this was a bad idea, as i had a lot of magazine work to catch up on, but the ss offered to buy me a drink and I wanted to make out, damnit! so i had 5 glasses of wine on an empty stomach. great idea. the ss is a bad person, btw, who like to encourage whomever she's with to make out with each other (at least that's what happens when i'm around). so last night, i actually did. we were all outside and joking about it, the ss goes inside and this 40yo woman and i start making out on the sidewalk. have i no shame?

apparently not, because during this session on the street, i'm looking into the bar and keeping an eye on the ss. when i see her pick up her stuff, i grab my new friend's hand and pull her in. i keep the ss from leaving and run outside to call my mom, who's call i had just missed. i'm on the phone with her for a little while (it's hard when you're drunk), and the ss come outside and gives me exasperated looks. so i pull her towards me and kiss her. to be talking with my mom and kissing someone (boy or girl) is so deliciously fun.

but the ss isn't feeling it, so we go back inside, chat a bit more, and then it's time to head home. i kiss my new friend goodbye and head out with the ss. i get a LITTLE action on the way back to the train, but not nearly enough. she's far from subtle, saying how much i want to fuck her. and maybe i do. well, i'd be the one getting fucked in this situation. :)

i'm so trashed that when a boy on the subway starts chatting me up about softball (i'm carrying my bat), i actually think i should go for number three... unfortunately, i switched to the G a few minutes later (a monumentally bad decision due to fucked up train action), so i'll never know. but i'm a big believer in the powers of making out - it makes you feel hotter, thus you become hotter.

softball game again later this week. rain, please hold off.

the grey lady is amazing

2005-07-05T07:47:00.000-04:00

"You may be mostly interested in women but, hey, the guy who delivers the pizza is really hot, and what are you going to do?"

unhappy

2005-06-29T14:33:00.000-04:00

i'm in a horrible mood that i can't seem to break out of. i feel put upon by everyone and it's getting harder and harder to take that crucial step back and calm down. i moved yesterday. i'm not too happy with my new apartment at the moment. it's filthy, one roommate has moved out yet so our furniture is competing for space. and there are vinyl floors. i forgot about those. I HATE VINYL FLOORS. i hate anything that's not wood... what was i thinking moving here??!

my life is so pointless.

2005-06-24T11:45:00.000-04:00

went to Bar BQ in south Slope last... had a pulled-pork sandwich that was so juicy, my teeth are grinding just thinking about it. the paper dishes and plastic silverware aren't that appealing, but the food makes up for it, i suppose. super nice waitress who earned her 20%...

reading waiter rant hasn't changed my ways - i've always tipped between 15-20%, unless the service is horrible. but now that i've read his horror stories about crummy tippers, i feel inexplicably proud of myself. in a world where i eat meat, rarely give to musicians in the subway, and kiss rich board members' respective asses, it's nice to not feel guilty for once.

a first

2005-06-23T15:06:00.000-04:00

new york is small sometimes and even though no one reads this blog ever i don't want to get anyone in trouble but let me just affirm that

Helen: It's just like kissing a guy.
Joan: No it's not.
Helen: No, it's not.

- "kissing jessica stein"

the girls

2005-06-15T00:35:00.000-04:00

we won our softball game! this is hugely exciting, not just because i'm incredibly competitive, but because i'm incredibly competitive and we haven't won a single game yet. and we've played like six or seven. i mean, please.

so we won, and i ran back here and showered and got dolled up and joined the rest of my teammates at ginger's, a bar that caters to the less-than-straight persuasion. it was very fun, i hadn't eaten anything so got drunk very quickly, and then the shortstop and the center fielder and i flirted for a very long time. i'm not interested in the cf, but i have a crush on the ss - which i admitted to in the course of the evening. the ss was flirting more extremely with the cf, i thought, but we had a very interesting discussion on the walk home where she asked me more than a few times if i wanted to sit on the stoop and make out with her. which of course i did. problem? oh, she's 33 and married. so i walked her to her place where she went in and probably had incredible sex with her extremely hot wife. good times.

what a hot discussion, though. i don't think i've ever had such extreme mutual flirtation... even though it led to nothing. so hot.

windsor terrace shooting

2005-06-01T11:51:00.000-04:00

they were shooting a kfc commerical on howard place this morning. i was too shy to ask and ended up calling the mayor's film office to find out - what a great resource! there was quite the setup for it just being a commercial, but i guess giant chains spend a fortune on these things... i'll have to keep an eye out. those craft services tables, though, that's where the action is.

back in the burgh

2005-04-23T22:38:00.000-04:00

the children's museum in pittsburgh is amazing... they expanded into the abandoned buhl science center and everything just got BETTER. normally i hate change, especially when i'm very nostalgic about the original, but it's so much more spacious and i made the coolest "dynamite" screenprint, so i'm okay with it. there's a gravity room where everything is tilted, and an instrument room and it was just bright and fun and filled with kids. normally that would cause my uterus to get all anxious, but i was with my niece and nephew, who are natural contraceptives b/c after spending the day with them i realize i am in no way energetic enough to have kids. it's 10:30 on a saturday night and i'm wondering why i'm not in bed yet.
there were some impressive video installations that put the shadow pictures of my youth to shame - go here, the best is called 'gathering'. the group, creative nerve, has a website, but they talk about other projects on it. worth a look just for the impressive resumes...

watched some bbc america - so sad about my lack of cable sometimes, although netflix ALMOST makes up for it. caught the end of the smoking room, which is hysterical and cancer-craving, and tim's birthday episode of the office. aww. so utterly wonderful, and puts the new one to such outrageous shame. my parents both gave up after watching for less than ten minutes. losers.

the universe is against me

2005-04-11T14:10:00.000-04:00

it's true, time out ny's horoscopes said so. and good thing too, because i needed some written proof that the way i was feeling wasn't my fault - it's the UNIVERSE'S. damn universe. always fucking with my head. yes, i'm very jokey now, but i broke down a bit last night... too much stress, not enough solutions. i know escapism isn't the answer, but right now i'm not sure what is - perhaps quitting the job and becoming a bartender? healthcare sucks, but i'd save money on alcohol. i'm going home in two weeks and plan on dumping this onto my parents and having them make it all better.

this weekend i went to the forum gallery and saw some incredible work. david mach has pieces made out of matchsticks and coat hangers that are guaranteed to blow your mind. this bear is my (new!) cellphone's wallpaper:

his collages aren't quite as impressive, but they're fun to look at (esp for a new york audience).

go to Forum Gallery, 745 Fifth Ave, 5th Fl (bet 57th and 58th)... on until April 16th. I wonder how well they're selling - and how much they are (neglected to check)!

we really need to institute a four o'clock Friday, so i can start hitting up galleries this spring/summer... next staff meeting i'll try to dredge up the courage.

Lucile at FIT

2005-04-06T14:21:00.000-04:00

There is a new exhibition at FIT on Lucile, Lady Duff Gordon. The exhibition, curated by grad students, looks very interesting, most especially because Lucile had what they call "a controversial escape from the Titanic." No kidding. I found this really fascinating account of the Duff Gordons, who were labeled "Cowardly Baron and his Wife" by the newspapers. They had managed to escape the sinking ship in an emergency boat that could hold 40 people, but only held 12 - it came out that they had given the crew 5 pounds apiece... gift or bribe, it became known as 'the Money Boat'. And holding a champagne supper upon their arrival in New York wasn't exactly a good pr move. They were exonerated, and what a sweetie...

"Regrets? I have no regrets. The Titanic disaster made me a fortune. Look at the tremendous amount of publicity it gave me...When I opened my dress establishments in New York and Chicago, people mobbed the places. I made thousands and thousands of dollars."

Quick! go see....
Designing the It Girl: Lucile and Her Style
March 1 - April 16, 2005

Tues - Fri Noon - 8pm
Saturday 10am - 5pm
Free admission.

new (creepy) words to live by

2005-03-30T15:12:00.000-05:00

"Remember: You can't make someone love you. You can only stalk them and hope they panic and give in."

(found here in the comments)

lack of focus

2005-03-29T12:38:00.001-05:00

lately my mind has been cluttered up with crush action, job hatred, cat frustration and lurking rent issues. it's somewhat hard to focus on what's really important.

that would be FLORIDA:

this might not actually be florida, it's more likely LA, since i stole it from my flavorpill email, but it's a pool and it looks like it's sunny. those are my two favorite things right now, seeing as how new york is disturbingly grey.

or gray. leave my faux-britishness alone.

but anyway, i'm going for the weekend to visit my sweet smart friend ciara.
.
that was a year and a half ago, but she's still that cute in real life. plus, she's really going to enjoy that humble pie i'll be eating when i tell her about my recent plunge into the other side (i've given her shit about being bi for years, both to her face and behind her back. ahhh, poetic justice or irony or whatnot). she'll eat it right up.

the arts

2005-03-29T09:56:00.000-05:00

in june i will be taking the lsats for shits and giggles. still no closer to figuring out what i want to do, but somehow this job hasn't killed off my love of the art world, because 'arts law' is still up there in the realm of possibilities.

i miss MAKING art though, and i think i need to start putting some time into it. i'm going home in two weeks and will pick up my paints and turpentine then. simon should love that.

thanks for the inspiration, Adam Pantozzi.

2005-03-28T14:32:00.000-05:00

days like these all i want to do is go home, smoke weed, and curl into bed with my kitty.

instead it's off to the gym for me. weights for 20, crunches for 20, and spinning till i drop. it's an incovenient time (hence the other exercising), but i really like the music... found out about the incredible moses leroy last time. plus, florida is in 4 days!

my imaginary thesis

2005-03-24T21:57:00.000-05:00

i'm thinking about experimentation and what it means to both you and the people around you. Your vision of things and an expanding viewpoint, although everyone else's is narrowing down. to further define a person decreases their anonymity, which makes them feel special - the minorities are bonded by their minority. The majority has less unique qualities, which is why creative forces come best from minorites or those of the majority who have learned/taken from them. so to experiment then is going from the majority to the minority. if it is an effort to feel special, it is incapable of fully succeeding, as it is not a true minority, as slipping back and forth is too simple to do. witness the increasing popularity of bisexuality with an even more tremendous backlash... we get off on it in the movies - how exciting it is to see a straight actor 'playing gay'. we might even give you an oscar for that, or at the very least some respect for your acting ability.. unless you're jennifer tilly. let's end this there.

playing footsies

2005-03-24T13:57:00.000-05:00

i'm in the midst of a total crush - tegan & sara were obviously prepping me for my first lesbionic attraction. too bad she has a girlfriend, but it's non-monogamous, so i guess i'll survive. the whole thing is very exciting, but i always hate the moodiness that accompanies interest... i'm happy, ecstatic, then she'll say something and i'm crushed. sensitive people should be shot at a young age for their own sake - we can't handle this.

of course we look just like this

eww

2005-03-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

"The mood among Carter's guests was subdued when house favorite Martin Scorsese didn't win a Best Director Oscar for "The Aviator." But Scorsese walked in shortly after the broadcast ended and told commiserating friends not to worry about him, because his young daughter Francesca "is my little Oscar."

Scorsese traced Francesca's shape - similar to that of a golden statuette - with his hands in the air."

am i the only one who finds that slightly disturbing?

the stoner post

2005-02-20T01:07:00.000-05:00

i love meredith. hanging out with people you like is the best time ever.

i've been to the whitney, the moma, the met, ellis island, the statue of liberty, the gates (twice), and saw an exhibit about rap's early days at the brooklyn public library. once i hit a few galleries, i'll be as cultured as can be.

what i love about the gates is that you can discuss it when you're hungover on a saturday, laying on your bed, and at midnight in the west village, waiting in a queue.

Erlend & Eirik

2005-02-08T13:54:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was amazing. I found out last minute that the Kings of Convenience were going to play the Carson Daly show and L. and I got to see them. We were basically the last people in line, but got decent enough seat and squealed and shrieked whenever our boys were mentioned. It was my first taping and very surreal, I had to keep reminding myself that the people were right there and I should watch them, not the tv monitors. Dennis Rodman, Aisha Tyler and MOE were on. Lots of MOE fans in the audience. Very easy to tell the KOC and MOE fans apart (we were a lot cuter). I think the less cute drummer of MOE was checking me out during the show, but he was kinda far away and my heart belongs to two norwegians.

Last Call is filmed in the SNL studios, which felt neat. And as much as I can't stand Carson Daly and look down on him with utter hipster scorn blah blah, he's not a bad interviewer... Dennis Rodman is a total space cadet and Carson was very nice and managed to make the whole thing semi-interesting. But he's still lame, sorry.

Erlend & Eirik came out and played an acoustic "i'd rather dance with you" and it was super hushed, then there were some laughs when erlend started dancing. Eventually there was a big clap-along to the song - i'm curious to see how it turns out on tv. I think it's going to be on next wednesday... guess I'll have to stay up past my bedtime.

i'll post about the bowery later. hard at work.

worn out

2005-02-07T10:09:00.000-05:00

even that bed looks good right now.

i love this man's photography. photo blogs both impress and depress me... recognizing your lack of talent is no fun. being an art history major was a big part of that. to study those who create instead of BEING one of them feels pretty deadening. i think being an artist takes such balls and egotism and i respect them and hate their guts all at the same time.

my parents and brother came to town this weekend. even though z. has professed a profound distaste for art, he was okay with going to the MOMA. what a sweetheart. with my govt perks i was able to get us all in for free, a giant savings of $72, which seems completely insane to me. We were there for a little under 1 and 1/2 hours, but that gave me almost enough time to see the two floors i had missed completely the last time. Painting & Sculpture 1 and Painting & Sculpture 2.
saw my favorite kirchner
which looks about a thousand times better in real life - really vibrant and thick, gloppy paint. i like the matisse in the stairwell - a nice break from the constant crowds, and 'starry night' should be better positioned, but the monet is pretty much perfect from any view (and i dinna like impressionist).
(thanks bluejake)

i was looking very museum chic in a full white silk skirt with black flowers, a black top, and my strappy black heels (thank god the most comfortable heels ever). a nice change from the constant jeans, although it did prevent me from checking out my ass constantly <- probably a good thing, according to family and friend. hey, squats pay off, and since i'm paying through the nose to be forced to do them, i'm going to appreciate the benefets reaped to the fullest (and make everyone around me appreciate them too). in retrospect though, my brother was probably NOT checking out my ass, as i queried multiple times.

falling behind

2005-02-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

i'm slacking on my new year's resolution to see more art, but the past two weeks have... been busy. sort of. there was a blizzard, and then i had to go to JERSEY.

jersey is weird. it's closer than brooklyn, but the STIGMA. and you need a car, the area is not conducive to waddling around in a winter coat. to get to a.'s place we needed to cut through a mall, which i scoffed at at first, but how convenient would that be, honestly? i mean, it's not like i don't do all my shopping at H&M and the Gap already. I am attempting to move into Banana Republic territory, but feel that if I'm going to be spending that insane amount of money, I should at least me buying something unique. I feel vintaged out, but Bird is the only place I've been able to find that's a bit different and they still rape my pocketbook.

no good images for pocketbook rape.

they make me wanna like girls

2005-01-23T02:37:00.000-05:00

tegan and sara. never have i regretted not hearing a new album before a show more. L. and i keep saying if only we had started listening two weeks earlier! we would have come and sang along to every word, checked out the hot dykes and hot hair, and considered it the best 13 bucks ever spent.

instead we download every video and sing along and wish we were there. or that we were you.

my new boyfriends

2005-01-23T02:22:00.000-05:00

these boys are the ones you don't ever want to let go. so fantastic and charming.

kings of converience - i'd rather dance with you
video

see erlend, be inspired to shake your bum.

greg.org's reel roundtable

2005-01-10T23:43:00.000-05:00

i went to the reel roundtable by myself tonight. that's always fun. it helped that most of the people there were on their own, so felt a little sophisticated and loner-esque. it was fairly interesting, he's not the world's best public speaker but he was very likable. can't say as much for the guy in the audience who kept making comments and trying to sound smart.. hell, he probably was smart but i hate people like that, they're just irritating as hell. no one cares who made the esoteric remark you just quoted, alright? new ban on the word esoteric too.

the movies- i mean the FILMS - were a neat spectrum of what influences greg. started off with most boring thing i've ever seen "gerry" by gus van sant. five minutes of my life are gone forever. when even audiences at pretentious film 'roundtables' get bored, it's time to cut it. by a lot. however, the ties greg made with "elephant" (columbine vehicle i'm putting on my netflix queue as i type), "gerry" and "red vs. blue" - sorry i can't do links, my blogger template is all wack. took me ten minutes to figure that out.

anyway, red vs. blue was awesome, then he showed "cremastor 4" (a TV version - unfort. still boring) and an orozco film, a man who i hated in the last post and still can't stand. blah. two crappy points. then came a short film by mr. allen, which was terrible but wasn't that great, and clips from "out of sight" which IS that great and "don't look now" which soderberg's film beat hands down in sexiness but julie christie wins for sexiest. damn, even her itsy-bitsy tits looked not horrid. nic roeg is talented.

then came the musicals - "singin' in the rain", i think, and "moulin rouge" and "south park". now i've never seen "moulin rouge" - it just never interested me, but that cancan song is pretty awesome. i like the guy's part. so maybe someday when i'm baked. oh, how lovely that will be.

so i don't know if tonight counted as art. i guess we'll see if i manage to do anything else this week and that will determine it. right now it's bedtime. goodnight.

Carnegie International 1999/2000

2005-01-04T15:24:00.000-05:00

while in pittsburgh, i went to the Carnegie to see the International. I always credit their biennial exhibition as being the impetus for my major in art history, but it's probably more my senior year art history class as a whole. The International that year was pretty amazing, though, and has definitely had a huge influence on my tastes and opinions. Look at these participants:

Franz Ackermann Germany (b. 1963)
Matthew Barney USA (b. 1967) - didn't see Cremaster (sometimes I feel like my life has revolved around not seeing it) but was aware of it - probably a more enjoyable state.
Janet Cardiff Canada (b. 1957) - very cool installation piece. I feel like I actually did it, but maybe I'm making that up.
John Currin USA (b. 1962) - his pieces blew me away. so surreal, creepy, and fascinating. extremely sexy.

Hanne Darboven Germany (b. 1941)
Thomas Demand Germany (b. 1964) - dark and impressive. loved him.
Mark Dion USA (b. 1961)
Willie Doherty Northern Ireland (b. 1959)
Olafur Eliasson Germany (b. 1967, Denmark)
Kendell Geers South Africa (b. 1968) - actually didn't like this one. i haven't seen an artist yet who could properly use the Carnegie's staircase... this year was no exception.
Felix Gonzalez-Torres USA (b. 1957-1996, Cuba) - ehh.
Ann Hamilton USA (b. 1956) - i like her a lot, looking at her picture makes me want to be her friend. this wall impressed me with its technical aspects.
José Antonio Hernández-Diez Venezuela (b. 1964)
Pierre Huyghe France (b. 1962)
Alex Katz USA (b. 1927) - i love Katz's flatness, and i love his works whenever i see them BUT i'm getting over being impressed with his talent. that wasn't the case when i saw them in 99, i'm sure i fell for it immediately..
William Kentridge South Africa (b. 1955) - this piece is at the International Center of Photography now. i skipped it this time (it's pretty heavy and once was enough), but definitely an extremely talented artist. i remember really being wowed by the amount of work that went into it.
Bodys Isek Kingelez Democratic Republic of Congo (b. 1948) - neat, sort of psychedelic, would have been more interesting had i smoked weed back then.
Suchan Kinoshita Netherlands (b. 1960, Japan)
Martin Kippenberger Germany (b. 1953-1997) - i can't believe i don't remember this, because it looks awesome. the plastic chairs look familiar but i think not being allowed to participate with the work inhibits the response.

Kerry James Marshall USA (b. 1955)
Takashi Murakami Japan (b. 1962) - he was about to become a(n almost) household name with his Louis Vuitton purses, and I had read a lot on him around then, but as a hater of anime, his models both irritated and perturbed me.
Shirin Neshat USA (b. 1957, Iran) - blah blah woman walking. the Carnegie loves using that room for that purpose.. but it still gets boring.
Ernesto Neto Brazil (b. 1964) - mmm... so much better than anything else i've seen with nylon (see Sarah Lucas and that shit this year at the International).
Chris Ofili England (b. 1968) - this was seriously exciting, as Sensation happened that year. i remember being shocked at how beautiful his pieces were and that's why i hate Rudy Guiliani. It's so great to have seen Ofili get the recognition he so rightfully deserves, i.e. he's in the MOMA.

Gabriel Orozco USA (b. 1962, Mexico) - barf. i can't stand ping pond table... well, it was fun to play, but i don't like it anyway. it's a very popular piece, unfortunately, so i've seen it in articles about a hundred times.
Markéta Othová Czech Republic (b. 1968)
Laura Owens USA (b. 1970) - lovely lovely stuff. her depth and youth make an interesting contrast with Katz.

Edward Ruscha USA (b. 1937) - blech. i'm 50/50 with Ruscha. this stuff was attractive but i could have done without the text - and so could the paintings. i JUST saw a piece in ArtNEWS yesterday and the difference of text on realism as opposed to plain old figurative work was tremendous. so no to CI99/00, but I won't write off Ruscha yet, esp. since he was picked to represent the good old usa at the Venice Biennial. i'm going to withhold my extremely important judgement till i see the latest.
Gregor Schneider Germany (b. 1969)
Ann-Sofi Sidén Sweden (b. 1962)
Roman Signer Switzerland (b. 1938)
Sarah Sze USA (b. 1969) - delicate pieces that everyone should adore.
Sam Taylor-Wood England (b. 1967) - god, she's so cool and her work is so good and i want to have her life. please. seriously, i think the works in the CI that year justified the White Cube hype.

Nahum Tevet Israel (b. 1946) - looks awesome, don't remember him.
Diana Thater USA (b. 1962)
Luc Tuymans Belgium (b. 1958) - no.
Kara Walker USA (b. 1969) - i remember her a lot of attention being paid to her works. the display of them was very well-done, they circled the upper level of the open space. i spent a lot of time trying to make up stories about the figures - i don't know if she has done this or not, but a picture book of her shadow figures would make my day.
Jeff Wall Canada (b. 1946)
Jane and Louise Wilson England (b. 1967)
Chen Zhen France (b. 1955, China)

[[this killed me, i honestly let out a groan of pain. Dave Hickey, MacArthur fellow and author of Air Guitar, one of my all-time favorite books, gave a talk at the 2000 International and I missed it]] that's almost as painful than missing the Faint by two hours.

i remember coming out of there with a whole new appreciation for contemporary art. it seemed so new and exciting to me at that point. i had never been so interested in any kind of art to that degree - i felt like i had found what made me tick. i'm not so sure that's still the case, but a flood of nostalgia for the way i felt then has just rushed in.

i began this planning on critiquing the current show. another day.

a real new year

2005-01-04T15:21:00.000-05:00

i've resolved to write more and do more. a specific goal is to go to a gallery or museum once a week. i've felt that it's been such a waste not using my free admission to its fullest extent, and i know my friends agree.

taking up even more space on the train

2004-10-25T11:06:00.000-04:00

today i broke out the winter coat. i have boasted to friends and family that it's only necessary for me to be outside for two blocks in the morning. this is true, but apparently it's only necessary for my landlord to turn the heat on in november. so our apartment is giving me the chillblains.

also, i was reading something about a carbon monoxide detector and that landlords HAVE to install them or risk paying huge fines. awesome. considering we don't even have a working smoke detector - my fault, the last one was put down after it disaproved of my cooking for the third time - one less way to die is good.

i went out in carroll gardens on saturday. the bar was okay, the commute was WONDERFUL. something seems very wrong with that sentence, but it will have to do. whilst i was bar-hopping, i missed the ashlee simpson hoe-down, much to my dismay. fortunately it's all over the web, look for links at stereogum. i'm sure she'll be able to spin it and continue on her merry way, but there's a possible Brit-like destructive spiral ahead... kill our idols and all that.

like there's a difference

2004-10-21T11:48:00.000-04:00

i have always been a huge totc fan, and sometimes SOMETIMES i check out their page before i check out gothamist or gawker, but i've gotta be honest... i don't like kerry. not the presidential candidate, but the blogger who was lured out of retirement to be the formerly defunct LA-correspondent. WE DIDN'T NEED HER! NY WAS ENOUGH! now i have to hear about events that don't even take place over here AND she rips off my posts (see October 6th - capelets). and her rip-offs get featured in gawker. bitch.

someblogsarebetterthanotherblogs was too nice

capelets

2004-10-06T13:19:00.000-04:00

this is how i would like to look

this is how i would look

quibble

2004-10-03T22:18:00.000-04:00

i love my apt, but being in wmsburg last night a block away from the apt i looked at made me sad. life would have been totally different, near people i know, with a crazy/awesome gay guy below. he was wearing a denim jumpsuit when i met him, for pete's sake. park slope just doesn't have the allure, the excitement, the breakdancing at 3 am on concrete floors.

also, it is more expensive to take a cab home from wmsburg than the lower east side, which i find morally wrong. same borough should mean lower price, damnit.

just watched desperate housewives. wannabe HBO show with Fox writing.
now it's boston legal with my love james spader, keen eddie, and obnoxiously hot women. mmm james spader.

eating words is yummy

2004-09-30T16:17:00.000-04:00

haHA!

i won a flavorpill contest not 12 hours after i proclaimed that all flavorpill contests were bullshit and no one ever wins.

my time out guide to eating and drinking should be in the mail.

NO ONE EVER WANTS TO GIVE ME GOBS OF MONEY.

new resolutions

2004-09-28T23:44:00.000-04:00

i just talked to alex and i was bitching about life. my job is driving me crazy - only 4 people in the office - and my world revolves around work, gym, and bed. boring. so here's the new goals:

find a hobby, something i can do once a week, meet some new people, etc. maybe a class?

no more tv. even though top model is back on, i think desperate housewives will have to be it for me.

try to reconnect with every person i know here- give them one more chance and THEN say fuck it. no more weird limbo friendships.

schedule one cool and new activity per week

lead a life i'd be envious of.

les hotness

2004-09-28T21:30:00.000-04:00

this weekend I saw Michael Showalter at a LES bar, Chris Parnell on the subway, and that awesomely funny tall guy that does the Stewart bit on Mad TV uptown. New York rocks. Michael Showalter is so dreamy... I made Winnie go ask him to make sure it was him. She asked him his name, he said 'michael'. 'what's you last name?' 'showalter'. then she turned around and walked away! such a waste of hot funny celebrity time. not on my shift, bitch.

a prized possession

2004-09-26T23:51:00.000-04:00

one of my best friends in high school gave me her mini pipe the summer after she graduated - she had upgraded and i had just started smoking my first year of high school. it was perfect - tiny, adorable, nice big bowl, a great smoker. once i forgot it was in my purse until the last minute and i had to hide it under my breast in order to get through concert security.

i hid it at home before i left for oxford and totally forgot to get when i came home. i found it and brought it to new york and now the worst has happened - it's broken. it got stuck in my glass ashtray and i couldn't get it out - i tried creams, hot water, cold water and then a fork. the fork was a bad idea. now it's in pieces. i'm going to try to superglue, but i have low hopes. isad times in the city.

that's right, a banner year.

donna karan is on crack

2004-09-23T14:13:00.000-04:00

no joke. Vanessa Grigoriadis deserves a prize:

“I figure, ‘Okay, I’m going to Africa,’ ” says Karan, 55, a tall, powerful woman with gripping green eyes and a flamboyant way of speaking, accented in the deepest Long Islandese. “I didn’t connect anything to it; I had no connection. I figured, ‘Oh, Africa—it’s, like, a country?’ It’s a continent.”

http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/shopping/fashion/fall04/9649/

peeves beyond boys who don't call when they say they will.

2004-09-21T20:45:00.000-04:00

i could make an entire journal of this, without a doubt, but i'll limit it for now.

* people who push their way to the front in order to get on the subway. they're all shove shove and they can't look you in the eye because they're guilty of being assholes. the other day it was this forty year old guy who pushed his way in and then took up two seats.

that leads us to...

* guys who don't give up their seats to women on the subway. i know, that's sexist and wrong but give me a fucking break. have you seen the shoes that women wear? fashion is evil and horrible and makes us wear painful shoes. don't give me this bullshit about how we should wear comfortable clothing. it's not going to happen. it makes me want to puke when i see all these obnoxious guys sitting down while women cling to the poles. chivalry is NOT dead - the guys at my gym are ridiculously awesome about holding open doors and letting me on and off the elevator first. plus, shouldn't guys WANT girls to be staring at their dicks?

okay, last one:

* people who don't do their parts in revolving doors. you know who they are, they're right in front of you and you just KNOW that they've stopped pushing and are letting you do all the work.

ok, sometimes i do that. but it's rare.

the money issue

2004-09-20T17:14:00.000-04:00

i'm a stingy person.

i will spend money, definitely, and i think of myself as generous in terms of gifts for others. i don't keep track of how much is in my account, and i tend to blow through way too much each weekend.

but i'm stingy. when we divvy up bills i always feel like i'm getting ripped off; i ponder for ages when purchasing razors, trying to decide how much i want/am willing to spend; and i HATE lending money.

lending money sucks. i'm always aware of it, i can't ignore it, and i resent it completely. people never make any effort to repay you, and you're stuck either losing money or being obnoxious and asking for it.

i blame my attitude completely on my father. he is one stingy bastard. we weren't allowed to get our own drinks at mcdonald's till we were in middle school, at least. we would buy one large diet coke and ask for three small cups. this is why i stopped drinking diet coke.

my mom explained that it was those sacrifices that made it possible to go on vacations and to summer camp and it's true, i got to go to incredible places and i never paid for a nickel of it myself. but there was always the motto that "if they don't take the entertainment card, we're not going."

ahh, memories. where am i going with this?
BEN. ben is a sweet boy but is very intense and one of those people who obviously is incredibly self-relflexive/analyzing/critical. he gets off on being odd. i met him 5 years ago, had a huge crush on him for the first 6 months and then started hanging out with him and realized what a big dork he was and the crush ceased. ben is poor, never has any money and is always borrowing. this should be fine - i am not poor, i have a steady paycheck and he's my friend. yet when he asked me for a few buck yesterday (for food!) i responded "don't you already owe me money?" He does, we saw David Sedaris and he gave me a fifth of the ticket price. He said "yeah, probably" so i gave him a five and i didn't ask for change and i feel like a bitch for even bringing it up. and that's the worst part - lending money leads to me feeling guilty. guilty for resenting it, guilty for asking for it back, guilty for looking so petty.

i wish i could say - that's it! i'm never lending money again. but that won't happen. and i don't think my attitude is likely to change - these spots seem ingrained.

welcome to a banner year.